When Divorce Finances Are Messy: What every physician mom needs to know
May 20, 2025
If you’re a physician mom considering divorce—or already in it—let me just say: I see you.
After “Will the kids be okay?”, the next question I hear is typically some version of:
“Can I even afford to get divorced?”
And you’re not being dramatic. That fear is completely valid.
Financial concerns during divorce are real, especially when you’re the high-income earner, working 50+ hours a week, and somehow also managing the entire household. (Because let’s be honest—just because you’re the breadwinner doesn’t mean you’re not also the default parent, project manager, and logistics coordinator for your family.)
The Hard Truth? Women Do Lose More Financially in Divorce
According to the U.S. Government Accountability Office (GAO), after divorce:
- Men’s household income drops by 23%
- Women’s household income drops by 41%
Let that sink in.
And while there’s limited data on physicians specifically, a 2008–2013 analysis by Dr. Dan P. Ly and colleagues found that:
- Female physicians who worked more than 40 hours per week were more likely to be divorced
- Male physicians who worked more than 40 hours per week were less likely to be divorced
So if you're a high-achieving female doctor, working long hours and earning a strong income—you’re more likely to get divorced and more likely to lose more. Ugh.
The All-Too-Familiar Pattern for Physician Moms
Here’s a scenario I’ve seen again and again in my divorce coaching practice:
A physician mom—smart, driven, compassionate—is married to someone who, at some point, decided to stay home or work less. She becomes the financial provider and still shoulders the mental load, school forms, grocery lists, and middle-of-the-night fevers.
She thinks to herself:
- “I feel like I have three kids instead of two.”
- “I’m doing everything alone anyway.”
- “I don’t have a partner—I have a passive roommate.”
Eventually, those thoughts snowball into a decision: I’m done.
And then the real financial stress begins.
Common Financial Stressors for Physician Moms in Divorce
While this topic deserves a whole book (don’t tempt me), here are a few major issues I see come up all the time:
Productivity Loss
Your job is demanding, but divorce drains your capacity. You may have to:
- Go part-time
- Adjust your call schedule
- Delay or forgo promotions
- Take time off for court, mediation, or just… emotional survival
Legal Fees
This one cuts both ways:
- You may be paying a lot more simply because you have more
- Or, you may feel pressured to “lawyer up” just to get what’s fair
Either way, it adds up fast—and it’s rarely as simple as splitting the costs.
Financial Inequity Despite Income
Just because you earn more doesn’t mean you’ve had control over the money. You might be:
- Uninformed about your investments or retirement accounts
- Unaware of debts your partner accrued
- Facing alimony or asset division that feels unfair, given the imbalance in your roles
What You Can Do Next
Divorce as a physician mom is a unique beast—but you don’t have to go it alone.
Start by getting informed. Then get supported.
- Read up on your rights
- Talk to a CDFA/CDFP, certified divorce financial analyst/planner, who are specifically trained to help with divorce
- Work with a divorce coach (hi, that’s me 👋) who understands both the emotional and logistical chaos
You deserve to not be blindsided. You deserve to protect what you’ve built.
Want help sorting through the mess?
Let’s talk. I offer personalized coaching for high-achieving moms navigating divorce and co-parenting. Together, we’ll make a plan that protects your peace and your paycheck.
You’ve made it through med school, residency, and everything else life has thrown at you. You will get through this, too.
And I’ll be right here to help.
Take care,
Dr. Stef